I think one of the easiest traps we fall into as moms is simply believing that we should be doing more…of pretty much everything! We should be more patient, more organized, more intentional, have more of it all “figured out”…our homes should be neater, and certainly our meals should be healthier…don’t forget the snacks too.
We should be reading more books to our kids, spending less time on our phones, making more memories, and of course, “enjoying every moment, because it will be over in the blink of an eye”…and somehow still have enough energy left at the end of the day to be the patient, calm and loving mom we were determined to be when we woke up that morning.
And then real life happens.
Kids are fighting, messes are made faster than you can clean them up, the laundry sits in the washer so long that it starts to smell, and you get so overstimulated and “touched out” by dinnertime that you just want to go hide in the bathroom to have a few moments of not being needed! And then somehow, when we fall into bed at night, instead of remembering all of the things we did right and the ways we loved our kids that day, we lie there thinking about everything we could have done better, how we didn’t even get half of the things done that we had hoped, and how many times we lost our patience and overreacted.
I remember having days that I felt proud of myself for how I handled everything – how patient I was listening to all that my kids wanted to share, answering their endless questions, and even making the most of the “teachable moments” throughout the day…and then bedtime came! As I walked out of the kids room, after the last goodnight had been given and everyone had been tucked in, I breathed a sigh of relief, silently congratulating myself for making it to the end of the day without losing my cool.
Then we all know what came next.
Sometimes I wouldn’t even make it out to the living room before I would hear a little voice calling my name. Maybe they needed “one more drink”, or thought of something important they just couldn’t wait until morning to tell me, or perhaps I just hadn’t given the correct number of hugs, kisses and “good-nights” before I left…and somewhere between the 4th and 10th time of someone calling my name and needing something more from me, I lost it! I lost that beautiful streak of patience and calm that I had held onto all day long…and as I lay in bed later that night, all I could think about was how I had blown it right at the end!
I think that motherhood would feel much gentler though, if we stopped measuring our days by everything we didn’t accomplish and by every time we lost our cool. Because maybe the most important things we’re accomplishing each day aren’t the things we can cross off of a list or the times we think we’re doing things “perfectly”.
Maybe it’s more the conversations in the kitchen while we’re making lunch. Laughing with our kids at the funny things they say. An impromptu dance party when things are feeling overwhelming. Stopping what we’re doing to gush over the dandelions that were picked for us with so much love and care. A sweet hug after a meltdown, or helping siblings work through a disagreement. Being the safe place they need when they’re feeling overwhelmed by big emotions that they don’t yet know how to handle. Saying I’m sorry when we lose our temper…
These things can feel so ordinary that it’s easy to overlook them, especially since they aren’t items likely to be found on our To-Do list.
But they’re not small. In fact, they may be some of the most important things that we can do!
We’re teaching our children how to love and respect themselves and others by the way that we respond to them and meet their needs. We’re making them feel important and safe and secure in our love, every time we choose to be a part of their world and show interest in the things they care about. And perhaps one of the most valuable things we can teach our children is that making mistakes doesn’t make us unworthy of love. That we don’t have to get things right all the time.
They learn this every time they see us admit our mistakes, apologize, make things right, and give ourselves the grace to try again. Because our children aren’t only watching how we treat them when they make mistakes; they’re also learning from how we treat ourselves when we make them.
So, maybe our mistakes aren’t parenting failures at all. Maybe the way we handle them is just another opportunity to show our children what it looks like to love, forgive, and try again.
If you’re someone who ends the day discouraged by everything you didn’t get done, maybe it’s okay to make the goal smaller. And if necessary, smaller again. Some days, getting dinner on the table and tackling a load of laundry feels like a win. And some days, feeding everyone, loving your children, and making it to bedtime is the win.
That counts.
“Maybe our mistakes aren’t parenting failures at all. Maybe the way we handle them is just another opportunity to show our children what it looks like to love, forgive, and try again.”
There will be days when we accomplish a great deal and days when simply tending to the people in front of us takes everything we have. Neither kind of day determines our worth as mothers.
We’re all figuring this motherhood thing out as we go. We’ll get things wrong. We’ll change our minds. We’ll learn something with one child that doesn’t work at all with another. We’ll have seasons when things run beautifully and seasons when everything feels a little messy. That’s okay
The goal doesn’t have to be a perfectly run home or a perfectly executed childhood. Maybe the goal is something much simpler: to keep buiding the relationship. To know our children and let them know us. To listen. To laugh. To apologize. To forgive. To make room for one another. To teach brothers and sisters how to love each other through all the ordinary annoyances and joys of sharing a life together.
Because that ordinary work matters. When we raise children who know what it feels like to be loved, respected, listened to, forgiven, and treated with kindness – and who learn to offer those things to others – we’re doing something far bigger than checking everything off today’s list.
So if all you did today was meet the needs of the people you love, nurture the relationships inside your home, and make it through another very ordinary day together, please don’t dismiss it as nothing.
It was enough.
In fact, I think that quiet, ordinary, imperfect work might just be some of the most beautiful – and world-changing – work there is.
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